the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
