if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
