I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
babies were throwing up all over the place
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
