so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize