I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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