It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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