I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
