You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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