I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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