I think my fart just growled at me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
