Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
