Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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