I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
