You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
