i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
