i think i have two assholes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
