so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
