Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Porn is love you can see.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
