I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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