He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize