I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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