I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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