Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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