Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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