If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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