I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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