When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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