super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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