dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
