i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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