My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
