how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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