I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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