i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
