I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
