MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
