3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
