It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
