my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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