Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
