I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
