I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize