My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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