I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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