i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
