he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
