Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
