you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
