Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You're like the curious george of whores
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
