Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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