Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Bring me that man meat
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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