The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
