When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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