the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
