she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love you. Go after that dick
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
