how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
