so explain again why im purple
no
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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