Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
