I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
