someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
