Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
