Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
